I'm nineteen, a bit lost & totally fine with it…
- Mimi Piqua
- Nov 1
- 3 min read
Being a nineteen year old is truly not a joke. And a nineteen year old girl is a whole different discussion! You always hear about the nineteen curse, that supposedly something truly tragic and life altering happens to you when you are nineteen, but of course like all humans until it actually happens to you - you think of yourself as the one anomaly.
That was entirely true for me, I had my pathway lined up and thought I knew exactly what I was doing and where I was going. I’ve never once doubted my mind, so in parallel with that I never doubted my choices to get me on the path I have selected for myself.
That has completely changed now. Within the past three weeks I have felt more lost in my own brain than I ever wish anyone to feel. It is a horrible feeling, however, definitely made worse by the exceptionally ambitious goals I have set in stone for myself. My route may change but my destination is well and truly the same!
That route being that I no longer am a university student - I felt so equipped for this next stage of life, firm in my decision that the course I selected aligned with getting me to my final destination. However just three weeks in I withdrew from the course, not because of its intensity; but quite the opposite! I hadn’t learned anything in this period, and the establishment only gives three weeks trial to walk away without financial liability! Crazy!
Since making this decision I have of course debated further if it was the correct move for me, but have since stopped because it is all well and good to dwell on the past and question everything else I could have done such as choosing a different university! There isn’t anything I can do about it now, and I’m learning to embrace the fact I have another gap year.
You live and you learn, and in the past year of my life I can safely say I’ve lived more than a year's worth of activities. I feel like a cat with nine lives, and I’ve well and truly used them all.
Now that I can shine humour on the most emotionally turmoiling moments of my year let me share some thrilling statistics and fun facts from my nineteenth year of life… so far (bear in mind we are only 5 months into it!)
Started university
Withdrawn from university
Had my first kiss in over 9 years
First one night stand (shocker)
As you can see evidently from the list above I have done a full 180, however five panic attacks, lots of crying, stupid ideas, and complete life pivots later and you get to where I am now… A total sense of calm. Because it was never really that big a deal. I am an outrageous over-thinker, to the point that when I’m babbling to ChatGPT about my problems for free therapy it has to say, “you overthink too much”, a low point being called out by a literal robot.
I’ve since come up with a solid plan that makes me feel truly excited for my future, leading me to exactly where I need to be to accomplish my big dream, because I cannot start letting my nine year old self down now! That would be truly tragic.
The plan is to use this new found freedom wisely, never wasting a second, and depending on responses to internships and apprenticeships I’ve applied to we will see what next year holds! If the odds are playing to my favour I should have a few options hopefully - manifesting to the max.
The entire point of sharing my hardship this month is to not sugarcoat the fact that life is hard and not having all the answers is entirely fine - especially when you remember how young you are!
I am guilty of acting like nineteen is the new ninety. I know for a fact I didn’t feel fine two weeks ago - in fact I was so anxious I was vomiting (sorry TMI!) but in just a few weeks I’ve turned it around into a positive and if you are in a similar position take this as your sign that it DOES get better!!!
You can turn dirt into flowers, sea into salt, paint into art - frankly you CAN do anything! And do it on your own timeline - everyone else is in a different race so there’s no point trying to win.
Find your calling and spend the rest of your life sharing it with the world.
That is exactly what I intend to do.
With love,
Mimi x
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